78 Miles Per Hour

Emotionally tipsy I am…

The apple martini I had with dinner probably helped this current state of quasi “delusion meets spacey.”  On my drive home from my mothers second birthday dinner, I found that I was asking myself some crazy questions — questions that I normally wouldn’t admit to, but I’m too tired to care right now.  I will likely regret this in the morning.  So here are my questions:

1.  What was the point of learning about pea plant reproduction in high school?  I mean… really?

2.  Do animals have orgasms when they… you know?

3. Who is this Steve Madden anyway?  If he didn’t invent football, what did he do besides create a video game?

4. Are my dreams really in color, or do I just remember them in color?

5. If I fell asleep for 4 days, would the world be a better or worse place because of my absence?

6. Why do people choose to adopt kids from overseas, versus kids from this side of the sea?

7. Would a mother and daughter zebra have the same number of stripes?

8.  Pain is relative right?

9. Is Hillshire Farm serious with their “Go Meat!” commercial?

10. If I created a voice-activated lighter, would people buy it?

And Finally…

How do we know that hell is hot?  Did I miss this in the bible somewhere?