The Attack of the Irate Biker…I mean Cyclist

Context:
Time was approximately 10:15 am. I am minding my own business, jamming to some Adrian Hood, on the way to Starbucks to ease my nerves, and start my Friday highly caffeinated. I am making my way up the last incline, before making a right turn into the shopping center, when I roll up on a biker (a dude on a 18-speed). He is STRUGGLING to get up this hill, and, while I was going the speed limit, I almost ran into the back of him. I swerved, and gave him a dirty look - and made my turn into Starbucks. As I was fumbling to find my wallet, in the backseat, I get interrupted by the same biker dude, knocking on my window.

me: [rolling down my window, newly sharpened pencil in hand ready to thrust if need be] “Can I help you?”

biker dude: “yea, I just want you to know that I didn’t appreciate you almost hitting me.”

me: “so wait, you followed me to Starbucks just to tell me that?”

biker dude: “yep. I thought you showed no respect for me as a cyclist”

me: “interesting. I thought you showed no respect for me as a driver. I think you should have admitted to yourself a long time ago that you couldn’t make it up that hill.”

biker dude: “excuse me?” [now getting irritated] “I have the same rights as a cyclist, as you do as a driver.”

me: “sure, I understand that, and if I, as a driver, were going significantly under the speed limit, I would get pulled over. so you, as a biker –”

biker dude: ” — i’m a cyclist.”

me: “what?”

biker dude: “you said biker, i’m a cyclist.”

me: “uhh, right, so you as a biker should heed the rules of the road, before you call yourself having the same rights. Vehicles are suppose to the give pedestrians the right of way, but that doesn’t mean a pedestrian can walk out into the street all willy nilly and expect to not get hit. It’s a balancing act. I don’t know what you were trying to prove by taking on this hill, but you failed unsuccessfully, and frankly, i’m surprised you are even still alive to be fussing at me about this.”

biker dude: “you almost hit me.”

me: “but I didn’t, and you should be happy about that, b/c how my morning is going, i could have…easily. I saved your life really. You should be thanking me.”

biker dude: “you have no respect.”

me: “respect? you want to talk to me about respect? you should respect the fact that I haven’t stabbed you with my pencil, or called the cops on you, since you clearly thought it was appropriate to stalk me… or called my, already in a bad mood, boyfriend with a temper, to show you what happens when you irk his girlfriend.”

biker dude: “is that a threat.”

me: “yes, now please leave me alone, before I change my mind about not hitting you.”

biker dude: “bi*ch.”

me: “ha, i know a bi*ch, let me introduce you.” [started my car, and put it in reverse]

biker dude: [took off quick, fast and in a hurry -- and almost fell off his bike while doing it.]

I smiled at myself, as I’m not sure where I found those balls to threaten a man. I was quite proud. As I walk into Starbucks, I look back to see the man continue his attempt up the hill, a pile-up of cars behind him, it sounds like NYC at rush hour. I guess I admire his persistence.

Man, what a way to start my Friday….